[Muff Muff]

Dear ***,

It seems like a million years ago that we parted. Yet it's only been one day. Slowly it's eating me alive not having you around. What I did could be seen as selfish, but as I always said, "there's a reason for my madness". I couldn't stand being a secret from your parents anymore..I understood why. I really did..But it doesn't change the fact it was stressful. Hell it was stressful for both of us. I'm only nineteen..I couldn't handle all that. Not to mention the lies throughout the past 4 years we knew each other..No matter what I never lied to you. I fucking cheated on you that one time but I told you the same night. And no offence it was fucking over the phone with my ex whom you were a band-aid for at the time. I don't know why I still feel so guilty for that still...Maybe it's me..but you make me feel horrible anymore..I don't feel pretty around you, I don't feel sexy or wanted..I don't know what happened. After you pushed me away I guess that's when it all changed..You shouldn't of done that..things could of been different..And for once I don't feel like it's my fault that we screwed up. I mean I'm not saying I'm the only innocent one, I'm not. But it at least is now equal. I'm old enough to see your lies better, I'm old enough to know bullshit when it happens. I don't want to stay in a relationship that I can't trust the person I love..and gosh did I fucking love you...We gave up a lot for each other..it was deep..and I revolved myself around you..And in the end you didn't care to do the same. Your friends hated me, and I knew it every time they came over..which was WAY too much ***. Way too fucking much..

Now I sit here..in my grandmother's home..I feel unwelcomed and regret for leaving you..But you know what I think the reason why I stayed with you so long? Because you are probably the only person that will every love me for all my mistakes and flaws..and there are a lot of them, I know that. But you're not perfect either. You act like a 10 year old. And I hate to sound this way, but a little Mormon-home schooled-brat. As stereotypical as that is..it's pretty on the mark. Yet I still fucking miss you! I can't hate you..I won't forget you..With or without you I'm miserable for gosh knows how long...What am I to do, ***? I want to text you every second of every day..know what you're doing..Why did you have to come to my rescue? Why couldn't you just let me go the easy way? That road is so far away now..I have too much I have to live for now..Well...at least so much I have to take care of for my family now..My mom and step-dad..my sisters..now need me more than ever..I should of never let you pull me back in after what you did...They need me more.. And I'm just so sick of the bullshit you put me through.