[Kory]

I knew that my friend would not ditch me... I was just worried. I guess that's what anxiety does, right? Makes you think of all the worst possible outcomes no matter how unlikely they are...

She is the first person IRL that I've ever told. And I nearly cried on the phone because she was so kind and understanding. And I feel like I don't deserve her. I know I'm a shitty friend, but she still supports me and still cares about me even though I am not reliable in the slightest and sometimes I isolate myself when things get hard... And I think that also kinda ties in with my fear of people knowing that I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I don't know why I know why it took me so long to tell her that I have schizophrenia. I was scared she'd think I am crazy and would stop talking to me...
But every single time I have been hospitalized for mental health, she would call me every day to check on me. She never knew (or at least, I never told her) why I was in the hospital, but she never asked. It felt really relieving to finally tell her the reason..

Today's awful;
I couldn't tell my fwb about my doctor's appointment and now he's angry at me because he can tell something is wrong but I refuse to tell him.
And honestly? fuck him. I didn't tell him how the appointment went because I thought he'd be mad at me... but he's mad at me now for not telling him. And I'm really ,really sick of this shit he pulls. When he wants "sexy time" it's always, "Oh, Ava. You're so beautiful. You deserve to be treated well. I'm going to take you on a trip, just you and me and we'll have sex all the time"... but when I'm actually struggling, he's like, "... sorry you're struggling. Btw, are you DTF this weekend?" or some shit like, "You're feeling better? Okay cool. Can't wait for you to suck my-"

Just stupid shit like that... And I'm already really stressed out from all the shit that happened last month and I really don't feel like dealing with him anymore...
It's times like these where I feel like I might actually tell him I'm done