[Stabbsworth]

it just really sucks because while i *know* that i'm loved and people at least somewhat enjoy my presence, i can't exactly comprehend this. i'm not sure what happened to make things this way either. and at the same time it feels like nobody really wants me around if nobody's paying much attention to me / my artworks.

i'll probably be fine tomorrow or something, it's just annoying to end up spiralling from anxiety / potentially undiagnosed mental illness stuff.

it doesn't help that i give a lot more of myself than i should be giving in being the therapist type of person and thus not accepting help because i should be able to handle my own shit if i can listen to other people vent.

i think a lot of this stems from wanting to be useful in a capitalistic society that can easily replace me once i outlive my usefulness. i'm scared that friends will do this too, y'know?