[Den]

Me: kdhfkjdhsjkfhsdjkfhdsjkhfdsjkfhdsjkhfdkjsh *felt something on her arm, looked over, saw eight-legged doom*

Elf player: Pfft

DM: Two kittens?

Me: I don't like spoods on me.

EP: Spooder kitten

Me: not a kitten.

DM: No. That would only have 4 legs. That's why you need 2 kittens.

Me: it wasn't a kitten. it was a fucking SPIDER.

DM: Oh.

Me: gods. I know I'm fat, but I'm not fat enough to not notice a kitten on my arm

DM: Maybe it was very small.

Me: IT WASN'T A FUCKING KITTEN.