[Suzerain of Sheol]

Originally Posted by DreadedMartian

Welp I definitely feel like some perverted weirdo. I would just like to say that sex isn't always this mindless act of rubbing bodies together. And that's really all I wanted to say. It doesn't matter and changes nothing. But by god the way you guys talk about it, I feel a bit ashamed. And with that I'm outta here.

Quite the opposite.

In fact, even the feeling of shame is a bizarre evolutionary quirk that just complicates our lives. Because, as a species, our adaptation of conscious identity and feeling of personal agency has added immense overhead and baggage to the process of life. Because that is what life is, a process for facilitating continual gene mutation to better survive a changing environment via sheer brute force numbers. Except, we evolved this idea of being people, of being more than that, of mattering to ourselves, each other, and society, in some intrinsic and holy way that escapes the shackles of nature.

Except that isn't true, our entire civilization is organized around the exact same behavior as any species that doesn't suffer from concepts like self-doubt, anxiety, shame, paranoia, and dread of their own mortality. Our development of minds that think this way has become of prison of paradoxes we've built ourselves into, where we have this in-built need to be more than merely natural (see: religion and the invention of the soul), but we've cleverly structured society to dress up the fact that we're nothing but mating machines with a myriad of different games and rules and rituals to try and distract from how utterly nihilistic our situation is.

So, unless being normal is something to be ashamed of, I'm not sure why there would be any cause for shame. For me, it has never at all been that being born this way had lead to a perspective of superiority or higher purpose (asexual elitism is a very strange concept to me), and I personally don't find sexual jokes, references, stories, etc to be disgusting but rather extremely depressing and exhausting in the way an introvert finds loud groups of excited people the same.

Instead, it's just an aberrant void in my personality that can't ever really be filled by a substitute because nothing else on earth is that essential to the human experience. It's not that I want anyone else to be like me, far from it, I just wish that I wasn't here, had never been born, and that no one else would ever be born so there wouldn't even be the chance of someone ending up like me ever again.

But, as I said before, to my understanding, this isn't at all the typical experience of being an asexual. My personal asexuality is an accursed mix of natural disinclination/lack of need along with a set of philosophies that cause an immense amount of potentially unnecessary pain in my life, but, all the king's horses and such on that front.