[Espy]

<Nope. Get back here. You clearly have not drunk enough water between drinks.>

(For the record, you need an entire red cup’s worth of water for each drink you take. Food is also important: greasy, cheesy carbs will help line your stomach so that the alcohol doesn’t get absorbed so quickly. It’s how a tiny Asian kid like me can take eleven shots without blacking out or being hung over. Yes, I’m basically the supervisor of my friends at parties.)