[Espy]

Nightmare last night. Worst one in recent months. Wanted to get some rest after a mentally exhausting week. Got nightmare involving stuff I’m more afraid of than dying.

Worse than previous one with all the gore and guilt and fear. Tired of being stabbed in the back, even in dreams. Tired of brain constantly trying to hurt itself.

Easily admit that I’m afraid of losing control of my thoughts and depression and the likes. Nightmare showed me that extends further. Apparently dying would be preferable to being forced to lose all or most cognitive function. Locked in room with gaseous substance that smooths out the folds in your brain. Less surface area. Loss of mental functions.

Can’t sleep. Not sure if insomnia or subconcious effort to stay awake. For someone who doesn’t (?) have PTSD, I have disturbing nightmares. Tired of them. Tired in general.