[dirkydoodle]

I keep remembering traumatic things of my past, but I won't tell anyone because I don't want them to worry. Plus I've believed that it reallyet isn't that bad but from what I have told people I've been told it is.

Suicide has been on my mind and I've been harming myself again because of it. I don't want him to know this, he gets upset when I do it and it makes me feel terrible. It's a bad habit and hard to break.

He's the only one I talk to now but right now we're on a break and I'm avoiding messaging him as long as I can. I'm terrified of losing him like I lost everyone else though. I'm terrified that everyone has left me because I'm a super toxic bad person that everyone hates.

I wish I would just die, or even better that I wasn't even born. Not being born would mean no repercussions of my no existence so