[SparX]

It's the new year. Not only is my body wracked with pain from endo, but I also found out my husband has apparently been talking to a cam girl from snapchat for a few months, and got scammed when he sent her personal items. This all started because I begged him to get into something kinky with me or at least look at other women for us to think about together. So he decided to get premium snapchats of girls. I told him he didn't have to pay for it he can get it for free offline. This was springish. The last response I found was from the end of November.
Instead he tried to talk to her, even asking for her to get on snap or kik.
I am not sure how upset to be, and besides this post have told only one person about this situation. We will be married 6 years come February. . .
I am more hurt then mad. I am generally an aggressive person, known to possibly fly off the handle at times. I can't even bring myself to cry right now.
I already feel terrible about myself and how I look. At best I feel I am average, and have gained 30 lbs more then I have ever been in my life. I hate being in my own skin daily, and here comes this. Is it because I asked for it? Is it because I begged him to go outside of his comfort zone? And how would outside of his comfort zone lead to this? He sent her personal items for fucks sake. . . and he doesn't even know her real name.
These past few months have been hard for me mentally and they just seem to get deeper and deeper. Some days it is hard to pull myself out enough to function. . . and now I have to function with this on my mind?. . .