[Tsukimiya]

Life has always been hard on me but I've always adapted. I've never really considered myself depressed. Going through a rut maybe but nothing serious, even while I was living in my car.
The last couple years, things has turned around. I had a decent job that paid well. Got an apartment and was going on vacations and buying things I want. Overall, I was enjoying life.
This past month, it seems like my entire life is being shattered. I had recently change jobs due to collapse in management from previous employer. The new employer was decent but I hated the job. I woke up every morning with knots forming in my stomache. I had anxiety attacks at my desk where I would sit at my desk and had the overwhelming feeling of being trapped. Last Monday, I decided I couldn't handle it anymore and I walked out. With no job and no savings.
I sold my xbox and tv to a pawn shop and with what little money I did have, I put towards an online course on digital marketing. I decided I will try to go into business running advertising campaigns for local businesses. My anxiety level is at a all time high since I have less than a month to generate some income to pay rent. And there's a chance my business venture will fail.
But a new sensation has enveloped me this entire pas week. I at times felt sick to my stomach but its not a physical sick. Its as if something is missing, a large hole inside of me. And it gets so much harder getting out of bed. My dishes are not being done, my laundry is is critical status, my broom is neglected. Not because of laziness but because I feel physically drained without really being tired. Friday night and Saturday I spent with close friends and these feelings melted away and I felt at ease. But I'm back home and it has hit me like a truck again. At times I feel like crying. Its overwhelming and I feel helpless.
I've seen memes about crippling depression and always found humor in them. But if this is depression, it's not a laughing matter.

/end rant