[SparX]

I know that these people are not my friends.
I know that they seem to think our friendship is great, but it nothing more then a relationship between and enabler and an abuser.
I understand that I only wish to help people, but leaving myself open like this is the reason I am constantly walked on.
I wish to sock these people in the face, but also don't feel like dealing with the consequences of it either. YET THEY WON'T SHUT UP.

I spend more and more time at work because I do not want to be home. I do not want to be in a space I cannot even view as my own when I pay for it.
Yet even as I try to stand up for myself in these manners, I am being told I am the cause of the pain, I am the reason someone is suffering, I am the one who is being to harsh.
At what point do I ever win? I either have to suffer silently, or be the one blamed when I try to speak out?

I have become physically sick with these people here, throwing up from panic attacks multiple times a week after I FINALLY got it under control.

So my only wish for now is loneliness, I just want to be alone and no one will give me any space. I get less then 3 hours a day to spend with my husband while awake, and I spend 2.5 of it with other people....
Hell even my one day a week I get a full night to myself, a nice 7 hours of time for me has been invaded and I am down to maybe a half hour.....

Venting doesn't even work anymore because it never stops I never get a chance to reset it's been a little less then a year since I was juggling 3 jobs working 70+hours a week and I still have not stopped since then...