[Lawtan]

...I am not sure, but something I often have to work on: criticism against a work does not make the creator less of a person or less valued. So, Suze and Quiet's criticism is not towards you, as much as ways the plot could be improved. Suze may just be a bit negative about it from time to time.

Now as for the work, it has a good romantic quality - in the "childhood innocence" sort of way (not the lovey-dovy sort). You could easily expand on the details in the story - show the events and describe something happening.

Example:

As I came by again, and set a new violet in the vase beside her, Marylin shifted her shoulders in the hospital bed. To her side were her latest scrawled words. She had a rather simple form of poetry, but despite the complications after her accident, she remained active. The poems were always hopeful and concise things.

"I don't understand. Why would anyone write about sad things? Why would people want to remember bad stuff?" These were questions Marylin asked me before the accident. The stubborn girl still insisted on focusing on her more childlike dreams.

Marylin opened her eyes and smiled. Though her eyes glistened with a tinge of sorrow, and her face was gaunt from days where it was too painful to eat, she strove to maintain her idealistic view of life.

"Good day, Mr. Brown. I had another dream just now..."

Think of what you have now as the summary or outline of a story. (Or a poem - with the right words, the shorter sentence structure at the beginning could set the rhythm to a eulogy to a dead young writer)

...Sorry if this isn't helpful.