[Pinkie]

Yeah but it bothers me I guess. I mean like for example when my grandmother passed away it hit everyone hard. It hit me as well she was my best friend but even to this day I haven't cried for her death and it's been...6 years since she passed. My mother was crushed same with my sisters. I don't know it's like it didn't phase me.

It always hurts to think that I never cried or really reacted to it but after awhile I told myself something that I still believe. I tell myself that I didn't cry because I wasn't sad. I fact I was happy. I was happy she was no longer suffering or in pain. She had got cancer at 16. Beat it three times and then came back as skin cancer that sunk in and attacked her lungs, liver, stomach and then a tumor thst killed her at the age of 67. She faught so hard I was so happy she was no longer in pain. I twll myself that is the reason I never cried...because I had no reason to.

Everyone had called me cold hearted and ice queen and everything you could think of because I don't cry at death...I smile. It's hard but I do every time.

After people tell you something for so long you believe it. I have heard many things sad about me right to my face after awhile it dosent fade. =shrugs= I'm so used and numb to life it sucks.