[Pinkie]

I do alot of those. I paint and I write and read alot. Though nothing seems to work out. It seems that when I finally start to break through and gain ground that life happens and everything is back to the start.

Recently my therapist told me I was making grounds. That I was starting to Crack the mask I have had firmly placed for years. This gave me hope...then my father collapsed. His health turned worse and now he has an estimated 2 months to live.

With out even saying anything after finding this out the second I walked into my therapist office she looked at me and only said "what happened?" I asked her what she meant by those words and she just tilted her head and said "your mask is back and whole once more." This happened about a month ago and since then no ground has been made.

I just don't know what to do anymore. As a child I was so care free...now...I'm nothing but a shell of my former self and I don't know where or how to change it.

Am I just doomed to be like this?