[Salone]

Alright, so from time to time, something will make you irrationally angry very suddenly to varying degrees. To measure it, I use the Kravitz Scale. Let me tell you why.

When I was 12, my mother purchased one of those godawful CD alarm clocks. The CD she selected was a Lenny Kravitz' Greatest Hits CD. That's okay, at the time. Kravitz is okay. However my mother was a heavy drunk. Every morning at 6AM, this thing would go off at max volume, waking me up...while she slept through it and several other alarm clocks for half an hour.

Half an hour of Lenny Kravitz every morning.

For three years.


Now let that sink in. For over a thousand days, every single morning was destroyed by Lenny Kravitz. And being a teenager, I stayed up late. I would have very few hours of sleep, and precious minutes were robbed from me by mother not even getting up when her Lenny Kravitz CD alarm clock exploded me awake. This thing was set no matter what, even when she would spend an entire week at her boyfriends' houses. I would somehow always forget about it, and it would always go off.

Well one time, things were different. I had had an incredibly shitty night, so bad that it carried over in to the morning...when I was woken up by Lenny Kravitz.

I went full on apeshit. I snapped. Every ounce of anger I have ever had and ever will have I borrowed to fuel my hatred that morning. I stormed in to her room, ripped the CD from the alarm clock, and spent an hour beating the crap out of this CD.

I went full Lifetime Channel Husband on it. Snapping it was too quick. No, there was no satisfaction in a quick break. I took out three years of anger on this thing. It was shattered, bent, pounded, chipped, utterly destroyed.

I still do it though. As soon as I hear Lenny Kravitz, I am...well, triggered I guess. It sends me in to a rage that takes a second to come down from. But that one time is the only time I have experienced a full Kravitz snap. Everything I get angry at or suddenly ragey at (which is very rare) is measured by this one time.

Seriously. To hell with Lenny Kravitz.