[Salone]

I am the gatekeeper to the halls of wonders, a dazzling cavern of light and sound where, for sacrifices of varying severity, pilgrims may claim a material boon. However, not all who enter the cave of awesome and terrifying purchases have good intent, and some wish to steal away the trophies of wonder that we possess. Therefore, my Order has seen fit to bestow upon me the ability to forcibly detain those knaves who would remove our blessings without paying tithe. I am the Archivist, responsible for everything we possess, and casting down upon those leaving us the gaze of judgment, deeming them a rightful owner or heretical thief. My power is mighty, and my voice alone causes tremor and doubt to creep in to even the most guiltless of minds. Those who stay within the tenets of the agreement merely display their documents before allowing to proceed. However, those I catch sullying our abode are placed in the confinement purgatory to await judgment.

(I am the Asset Protections Specialist at Best Buy. This is fun though, I'm going to do one for all of my other jobs later.)