[AliceinZombieland]

I'm third gen, so I see what this is like for my mother. She was never appreciated in her home, being a girl, and doesn't talk about her family ever. I only know them because my father lives in the same state and we'd visit him, so he'd have us visit our grandparents on our mother's side. But I can see in the little things what kind of life that was for my mom and I can imagine what kind of life you have had. It is hard to feel a loved one distance themselves. It's hard to think they may not feel the same for you as you do for them. But men of his generation and upbringing, it sounds like, are not the type that show a lot of sensitivity or emotional weakness. He may be trying to seem detached or indifferent so you don't see his struggles. A father is expected to be strong for his family. And obviously I was not there for the things he told you, about your mother loving you more than he did, but I think that's true for many people. A mother's love is uncomparable, really, and I'd say it stands to argue that nobody loves a child like a mother does, and maybe that's what he was getting at. But I don't know the context of the conversation, so it's hard to say.

You can't change people, and you can't make decisions for them, so you have to make do with what you can do. You can choose to let him go, or your can choose to keep yourself open to him, to reach out to him. In the end, you can only do your best. But please, don't feel like you have somehow failed as a son. We are all given a life and even though our parents give it to us, it is ours and ours alone and we determine the success or failure of it. While we may not become all they hope or expect us to, that does not make us failures. We are each our own judges. And the only expectations you need to live up to are your own. Are you happy with your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Do you feel you have a good life? If not, make the changes you feel are necessary and keep trying, but understand that only you can decide what will make you happy/satisfied with life.

I hope you find happiness and your father recognizes it. I hope you two stay in contact, but if not, then I hope you find peace in the life that you have. *hugs*