[NikkoGallarado]

I don't know if what I am going to say will matter much. For the few who know me and talked with me in past may know little. But for one thing is, I feel like I am aching from a broken heart. No it's not my losing my life partner but a person who I call father. I don't know how to feel about it, he is removing him self full out of my life.

But this is how it went I come from a strict Asian house hold, so while growing up I didn't get to so much I was sheltered for a long while. I didn't have many friends and I became a computer nerd who was online a lot back in the old days of my youth. As for everything else that was just a family life. As I got older I was far from my mother but very close to my father. Yes he was a man who called me his little prince, gave me everything I ever wanted and made sure I was pleased. You should say I was spoiled rotten by my father but I was also kind and giving.

He was very much a controlling person at times where he wanted my mother at home with him along with my sister and I. They where married and stuck with each other till my sister was olde enough to take care of her self. They finally split. But before all that I was still home I was never allowed much to do anything, so at 21 I moved out and just lived my life.

I kept in touch and called but when things got bad when I allowed my father to used my credit and he left me with all the debt I didn't know what to do any more I was hardly making enough to live. But in the end my mother came to my aid and help me out. But I will get to that in a moment, but it more or less I am talking about my father, and he means a lot to me. Even if him and I drifted so far apart. At one point in time before him and mother split he told me something that hurt, but I didn't think more on it.

He said to me while in the car was, He didn't love me as much as mother did. I didn't know how to feel....in all honesty I suddenly felt broken. The person I was close to the person I trusted, the person I looked up to told me he didn't love me as much as my mother? I don't understand....I never did. But in the end he said I had two kids I came to the U.S. hoping for better. But neither of my child had much to show, again I felt like I was breaking any more. So I am failer at whatever he wanted me to be, after that I saw him ever so often. He hardly showed up to anything but I was the same way.

In the end he married a women who was about mt age at that time after he and my mum where done. So I became far more disjointed with my family parting ways from my sister hardly calling them for help in bad times cause I didn't want to show them that I needed help. But in the end I would break and ask they where kind enough to help me. I was glad, my mother came to pick up all the broken bits. I became closer to her, I wish I could do more but I just not feeling it. I love my mum and I love my dad, along with my sister. But I don't know how to really feel any more.

I don't know what to see or anything more, my sister visits my mother calls now and then. I hang out with them both and have fun. But my dad I hardly have time, he just never seemed like the person who wanted to do things like that. But I think what hurts the most is he called me today and said he was leaving, he wouldn't be in state any more. Meaning I will never see him again he just said he was leaving going to Kansans which is for work but he didn't say much like I'll call you when I get settled in or I'll text you my new address it was just good bye....

I...I just feel heart broken, I don't wanna let go just yet and say good bye.....I should be happy? I don't know I just know that it hurts and it wont stop....now I want to know did I fail to be good child, did I fail to do my job as a son? Did I just over all fail at whatever he wanted from me as a child? Over all did I just fail.....?