This isn't a commitment issue. I used to have commitment issues, most men do at some point. And yes, it usually results in us trying to run away, maybe even just vanishing one day- We get scared, we think you'll hate us some day, we think we're not good enough. You ladies may not know this, but to a man who loves you? You are a divinity, he doesn't know how to understand what you do to him, but it hurts his pride, it makes him feel weak. It's dangerous to be close with someone. And we're wired to avoid danger or to destroy it, which turns us into rather self-destructive beasts. We don't always come back, either. Sometimes we hurt ourselves so deeply over what we made in our own heads, we crawl into a corner like a wounded animal and just sit there, secretly, not even known to ourselves, hoping someone will save us. Because no man ever stops being that 15 year old boy who's still scared to talk to girls (or boys, mind). Any man who says otherwise is lying, maybe even to himself.
But when we do come back? We're determined. We have a kind of conviction that you didn't see before. A man is never more serious than when he is talking about his family, at least the one he himself creates. If he looks at you in a way that comforts you, treats you like an equal, and does everything he can for your MUTUAL happiness, often putting other things on the backburner, if not off the stove entirely? That man loves you.
If he puts you above all else, including himself? He may love you, but he needs some help, because a relationship should be equal. You're nobody's lesser.
If he constantly tells you what YOU need to change, what HE wants, what YOU should be doing? He's just controlling, and may be mistaking lust for love. You need to drive him away. If you don't, he's going to think this behavior is alright ,and continue to do it.
Also...you might want to see if he's seeing anyone. I've seen it happen, time and again, guy gets in new relationship, guy gets nervous, goes bac kto previous to hook up and be "Friends With Benefits".
He's not your friend, he's not your lover, he's not your boyfriend. He's horny and confused. Even if he isn't trying to wrong you, he is, and a serious discussion needs to be had (in a public, crowded place, mind you) about it. Also, never have these kinds of talks in private with someone like this. We don't want either of you getting too emotional or doing/saying anything you would regret.
If after said talk, he seems angry, or disappointed, or he just keeps telling you you don't get it, or you need to change, or my favorite "I'm working on it, just trust me okay?" just leave. You don't need him, and he obviously doesn't need you.
I don't care who you are, you're worth more than some coffee and a quickie.
So let me ask you Pinky. Is coffee and some nostalgia all it takes to get to you, or are you gonna be worth more than that?
<--Trisphee Kensai-->
