[Espy]

So, I stayed away from this thread for a bit because I wasn't entirely sure how I feel about certain things, but. While I do love videogames and such, they're often too complex and not what I'm looking for. I had several hours yesterday to do whatever (well, my brain decided to not do homework), and I tried to game for a bit. I did that for all of five minutes. And then I logged off, because even though I had been eager to run around in a virtual world, the annoyance of having to deal with the Saturday-night college-campus-lag would have negated any "fun" I got out of it. So then I decided to float/lurk around Tris for a bit and attempt to read up on my homework, and ultimately went to sleep because nothing was working.

For me, avi sites are a way to connect to other people without interrupting them halfway through their work, when they have other plans, etc. Most people on here are probably just as bored as you are, or to some extent share the same interests, and that's why I'm still on Tris even though it's quieted down considerably. (Hopefully that will change soon-ish, though.)

To be honest, it's a place where (almost) no one knows me. And that's the kind of freedom I wish I had in real life. I get to not only live my own life in the real world, but also experience life as someone else, someone who can do the things I want to do and not be ridiculed or looked at strangely because it isn't "me". It's a bit like reading a book, or drawing.

Why do I like this more than, say, a videogame? Most of the friends I have in MMORPGs are people who I actually know IRL. And I don't make friends too easily otherwise. Mabinogi is a great game -- I often go to it for a bit of relief from everyday life, and like...hunt monsters or run dungeons, or more likely as of late, pick herbs, make potions, help out newbies, cook, collect rare items, etc. Its slogan is "Fantasy Life" and it does that aspect very, very well. But I have very few friends there.

I suppose I might seem capable of dealing with many things by myself. Last semester completely overturned that assumption. It was the week before finals, I was well on my way down the slippery slope of probation and imminent suspension, and almost at midnight, I called my mom in a fit of tears. I explained to her that I had (honestly) been trying to study for the past three days, and it just wasn't working. The phrases that popped up the most during that conversation were "worthless", "just isn't working", "what's the point", and "I'm not stupid". After that phone call, my parents did their best to comfort me, and it was because of that contact, knowing there are people who care about me -- that's what kept me going.

So...yeah. Long story short, I'm the kind of person who needs to talk to people -- not obsessively, but just to have that kind of warmth of knowing others are there for you. I guess that's why I'm still here, still on avatar sites after ten years.

EDIT: Holy balls I just typed an essay.