[Suzerain of Sheol]

Okay, so, this poem is from a couple years ago. I honestly consider it my best. It's rather long, and... actually nowhere near as personal as it sounds. I was totally sound of mind when I wrote this. Even still -- and I don't usually agree with this -- I will warn, there is some grim, grim stuff in here. Read at one's discretion.

The formatting was very difficult to carry over, I may have gotten it wrong in places. If anyone notices anything, please do point out.

That said, I give you:

Deconstructing Nirvana:
Revelations of the Suicidal Sages

I am not the one you should be listening to

I don't... have anything to say

that you haven't heard before

from yourself

and it's yourself

that you should worry about

not me
not anything
not everything

only nothing
and
you
and your lonely

exaltation

you have a lifetime to do nothing

and it's nothing that

wakes you up in the morning

that

kisses you under the moon

and nothing
is coming for you

because you...

you've never lost anything
because you never had anything
because you never were anything

because you just never were

and you'll never be
and you couldn't be
and you shouldn't be

because GOD choked to death
on the poison YOU were breathing
on the blood YOU were speaking
on the tears YOU were bleeding

and that first sickening scream
is all we'll ever hear

and you don't think it's fair

and you think the world should care

and you aren't sure if you can bear

to face it

but I'm here to tell you stranger
yes beloved outcast

that you were
never worth it
never wanted
never welcome
in our home
in our heart
in your own arms

and I'm here to tell you

leper

cripple

reject

bastard

that we wanted your abortion
that we hated the idea of you
that we would strip you bare

flay you dead

melt you down

bleed you out

bottle you up

throw you away

forget about you

forgive ourselves about you

fornicate around you

And we

they

someone

no one

ever loved you
ever thought about you

except to despise you
except to dream of you
except to dream of torturing you
except to torture ourselves dreaming of you

and we learned to like the pain
we learned
to wash it down with mercury (memory)
we learned
to fight if off with sorcery (sympathy)
we learned

to love ourselves
by hating you
to love ourselves
for hating you
to love each other
for hating you
to love each other
for hating ourselves
and to hate you
for loving everyone
for hating you

And I

never asked for anything
never gave you anything
never looked at you
heard you
helped you
hurt you

but you

slave

sinner

masochist

whore

you just couldn't help making me the angel

of your miserable salvation

the valkyrie who would carry you away
the martyr you could mortify to mark your precious presence

so you could drink from the stigmata
and lean against my broken back

so the world could have someone else to loathe
so the crows could celebrate a different corpse
so you could hold my rotting hand

and say you'd made a friend
and say you had something to live for
and tell them all that you're alive
and tell them all you have something to die for

but you're ignoring it again

you're repeating your mistakes

because you can't learn anything
can't love anything

can't help it

can't stop it

and still
still

you want to be there for me

like the SAPROPHYTIC
PARASITIC
APOCALYPTIC

freak

addict

zealot

victim

that

you are

so I'll say it again

I'll waste my last words on you

you should worry about yourself