[Lawtan]

Umm...Espy's sort of "triggered" this one...two actually, but the second one is more private...from the other end of suicide...

You really, really don't want to read this. This is what suicide looks like to the one attempting it. This is not a rational mindset, and if you find yourself agreeing with this, I will find you and hug you until you get better...no one should ever have to feel this way. No one should have to ask why they are still alive.

Why am I alive?
What use am I…
What have I done…
Nothing is worth it...
I am meaningless before I begun…
Why do I struggle? I am naught,
But a parasite, an insect,
Less than algae.

I have failed…I have failed…
I can’t take this more-so useless,
Ha! I can’t even bleed away the impure,
I am a tool, a broken tool, and it is time…
My life is a laughless joke and lie...
+ I hate its emptiness...

I will sleep to my songs one last time…
I will awaken to the fear that has hurt me before…
Oh what awful sound, the gripping hands…
Oh, how inadequate I am to gaze upon a person’s glory,
And yet how brutal, how simple they are – so imperfect,
Yet no matter how “ideal,” they avoid me…
I am a figurehead. I am a puppet, a parakeet of hope…
Now, broken, unstitched, torn…

Why can’t I bleed it out? The blade is dull…
Why can’t I run? People always grab me…
Why can’t they abandon me? They seemed good at it before…

The hour is late…too late,
I can’t go on as a flawed diamond,
As a talentless man…

Thus, I stand,
None to stop me,
Here at this bridge,
Away from College,
Away from home,
I can become a mystery,
I can become the land,
Such clarity, such freedom,
To take my own for once…
Shall I take the plunge?...
I can finally be free to rest...