[Suzerain of Sheol]

I think I was honestly expecting worse with that preamble of yours. :P

The biggest weaknesses I can see are the one forced rhyme near the beginning (you really don't need it), and the reliance on cliches for your imagery and phrasing. All you'd really have to do to shape this into a decent little poem is take lines like "beyond our wildest dreams" and rework them into more original turns of phrase.

IMO, at least. :)