[Tears]

It's been a while since I've been on Trisphee, and I regret to say that one of the first things I do is to present yet another one of my problems to the community.

Obsession runs in my family, which I'll try not to talk too much about. I've been bullied all through out my childhood, by "friends" and classmates and my own parents and grandparents. I have, like, no sense of too-much-information boundaries and it makes me uncomfortable that I might make others uncomfortable. But the main thing here is my obsession problem.

When I was 5-8, my parents often took me to my father's cousin's house, where she had two daughters, both older than me. They bullied me verbally and physically, calling me names and biting me. My parents never believed me when I ran crying to them, and they always said the girls were playing and getting too carried away. The girls would play innocent and cried as I accused them of their crimes.

Years later, I still obsess about getting revenge on those girls. Almost anything could trigger me into thinking up plans to hurt them the way they hurt me. I never dared carried out my plans, because my mother would slap me if I tried to intimidate another kid. My family and I moved away, so now I don't have to deal with those girls and the obsession about revenge slowly died away.

However, there's a more recent bully I'm obsessing about. We met at my new school, and at first it seemed we were both shy. Later, she tried to strangle me, not once, but twice. She also threatened me with a knife. She was no coward either, choosing to do these things in the school hallway, with students everywhere and teachers in classrooms. She also bragged about catching small animals and torturing them.

She blamed it all on her so called sociopathy, which I think was an act. I told my closest friends about what she did to me, but they all shrugged it off. One said that she was just comfortable with me, so she did strange things. Apparently, she did this to all her other "friends" too. No one would give me relief or help me when she was making me uncomfortable.

That was in sixth and seventh grade. I'm a high school sophomore now, and I still think about her. What did I do to deserve that kind of treatment? Why did she do that? Why didn't anyone care? I don't obsess about revenge, but I obsess over her motives and background. I even went so far to confront a friend of hers about it, and got no satisfying answer. I don't even know what I'm expecting. The girl's moved away, she shouldn't be a problem anymore.

So why do I still think about this shit? I'm obviously not getting any answers any time soon. I just want to forget about it, but I can't. I think something's wrong with me.