[Batty]

I have no idea how much everyone here knows, but a week ago I lost my Mom. I found her.. in her sleep, and since then, I've been an emotional roller coaster wreck. I have no idea what to do with myself, I have no idea how to think. I don't even.. Its been so hard. My mom was always all I had, and now she's gone.

I've barely been able to stay online for more than fifteen, or twenty minutes.. I'm losing my mind. I went from being a 22 year old kid, to being a 40 year old single part-time parent. My sister is being taken away from me by her dad, the whole house is empty, the chaos is gone. The banter is gone. Her laughter is gone. I walk through the door, and I see.. and it just hurts. I HURT.

I know I have people who care for me, and I know I have to be strong for my sister, and for my Mom, who would hate to see me fall to pieces. But at the same time, I don't want her, or anyone else to think I don't care, or that I'm cold. I'm shattering to pieces on the inside. I've lost my best friend, I lost the only person in this world who said she'd never leave me. And she lied, and she did...

Argh, I just wanted to say that if you don't see me around, or just see me lurking, its because of that, and because I don't want to bring people down with my sadness.