[Meizicht]

Everyone: Thanks, I've been away with the thought that maybe I was kind of ruining the mood for people who I was talking to since I'm down so often and couldn't help it. x__x;
I kept being told that it was selfish, so I couldn't take thinking I was upsetting everyone, and just figured "can't say anything good, don't say anything at all" lol
I still can't help being reluctant since I have to be honest; I have been told that "it's okay" for me to talk to some people, and then they really find out how bad it is and they can't take it; it's not their fault whatsoever, but it does sting a bit. But that was only because I didn't warn properly first I think. xD;

woopidoodoo: I don't really want to see a doctor since the doctors which would be available to me are only ones that government aid can get. xD; And here.. they're not very good. Government aid has given me 2 or 3 eye doctors that don't know what's wrong with my eyes ( they just decided nearsightedness ) and if I were to pursue getting my wisdom teeth removed, the dentist I was recommended for that will take government aid, has a ton of really bad reviews attached to him ( he once put a guy under just enough so that he couldn't move, but could still feel the pain while getting a root canal. OTL you can see why I'm reluctant. lol ) But I also don't know what medicine would do regarding my creative ability; drawing and writing is my life, and I don't want that to go away since it's some of the things that is kind of my therapy. I can deal with my lows, so I think it's okay as it is. ^^;

Fauxreal: I don't like being depressed, no. I've always kind of thought I was missing out on "normal" life since I started kind of realizing that it wasn't normal when I was in highschool; I can't understand how someone can hit such a high happiness that they make noise and jump around and stuff, or they're happy over the smallest things. xD I'm always just kind of.. mellow when I'm balanced out. There are some things that do bring me up enough to be considered happy ( like I get really into gaming and drawing and writing xD; ) but there are times where that doesn't help. However, I do have a habit of thinking in routine. If I haven't hit a low in little longer than usual, I'll start anticipating it because I don't know when it might hit, and then I'll end up driving myself into it. But it's not like I want it; it's miserable and drags everyone else with it. OTL;
Though, my lows aren't as bad as those "rock bottom" manic attacks I sometimes get ( where I feel so bad that I start thinking in broken sentences, can't keep up with my own brain; I don't let it happen in front of people irl, since it can make me look like I'm nuts. xD; ), but those are usually brought on by a reason, and they go away very quickly since they force me to let it out in some way. Even though it might be kind of scary to other people ( it scares me too sometimes lol ), that just means I'll be okay in a bit.


Err, sorry, ramble. xD;


Edit: Thank you for putting this thread back. ^^;