[Meizicht]

As the title says, I want to get back in touch with you guys. But, there are things that I have to say before I do.

The best I can explain it, even though I haven't gotten the chance to see any doctor ( nor do I really want to.. ) is that I seem to have some kind of manic depression and anxiety, which makes it very difficult for me to socialize like most. I can't help it. Sometimes I get so bad, I can't think in complete sentences. I can't cheer up when people try to cheer me up, since chemical imbalances don't right themselves on command, but they do go away on their own. However, I get episodes frequently. And my way of balancing it, of being okay, is to talk to people.

I want to talk to you guys again.. but I need to know if you'll be okay with me like this.
I'm gloomy.
I hit lows often.
I talk about them.
I don't want to be judged, and most of the time, I don't need advice unless I really ask. Most of the time, I just need to have someone listen.
I need everyone to not get upset when I can't cheer up no matter how hard you try. I can't help it, I really can't. I'm sorry.
I'm terrified of you guys pushing away or giving up, fading away from me because of the way I am. ( and yeah, I know, I have been gone for a couple months of my own free will, but you get my point I hope. )
So if you're up to it.. I'd really appreciate it.

I've been shut up for a little over 2 months, and too afraid to really talk to anyone. I hope that you guys can tolerate me as I am; I tried really hard to fix it, but I just can't seem to. I'm ashamed, regretful and stuck, and I do see it from other perspectives; I know it's frustrating when all you want to do is help but it doesn't seem to get any results.. but you have to realize it's nothing I can control. It doesn't happen for any reason, and doesn't go away for any reason. It just is there and then it isn't. I hope you guys can realize this, maybe just be patient with me. ^^;

Anyway, with all that in mind.. anyone up for the challenge? xD;

Nevermind, I really shouldn't and can't do this as I thought. I'm sorry for asking that of you guys. I'm really not fit to have friends and such, as weird as that sounds, and I'm ashamed that I'm this kind of person.