[Tears]

Which is why I want others' opinions. This is a tough decision I'm making, and I need to know that I can live with it with as little regret as possible if I make the choice. I need others' thoughts on this so that I can have that final debate in my head: to drop or not to drop?

If you've not already guessed, I'm debating whether to drop out of high school or not. Please let me tell you, this is far from the whiny teenager-quitting-school-because-it-ain't-no-fair. It used to be, I'll admit, but it's become more serious than that. I'm starting to deteriorate in terms of mental health, and it's affecting everything: school, family, friends, etc. I cannot focus on school, and though I really do find it interesting, I just don't see what practical uses some of the stuff we learn can have. In short, I like learning, but not the stuff in school. I feel like I can teach myself more useful things, maybe some practical things. Because of that I spend most of my "homework time" researching and taking notes on non-academics related subjects. I also think that unless I can do a good job on a homework assignment, it's pointless to try. I want to "do it right, or don't do it at all".

I'm wasting my parents' money by continuing studies that I no longer want to be a part of. I go to a private school, relatively cheaper than some other schools here, but still rather expensive. It's even more so, because my parents have to support three kids who all go to that same school. They often complain that I'm just squandering money away as if it grew on trees or fell from the sky. I'm starting to see their point: Why bother with the expensive education when you don't even do anything? They've also made it an option themselves; if I really can't take the conventional learning path, I better find another one myself.

I do realize that if I drop out that society will not be kind. I'll have a hard time going back to school if I end up wanting to, and I'll have a hard time with jobs without the proper educational credentials to boost my resume. I do realize that strict schools are that way to prepare us for dealing with authority figures in life, and that people may ridicule me for being socially weak. This, among many other disadvantages, I realize, and I've been considering this whole time. They'll look down on a drop out, especially because she only had two and a half years of high school left.

I have many plans that I want to start early on. I want to do my own research projects, with my own time frames. I want to keep learning, but with my own schedule and interests in mind. Maybe I'll invest in some private lessons or a specialty school for this purpose, because I'm not liking the general ways. I feel like I can so much better in my fields of interest, but most of my attention and time goes into things that don't match up with what I wish to do. Call me an idealistic brat if you will, but I really do think I can pave my own path, given the opportunity and the time to do so.

So...I need some opinions on this. Be as gentle or as harsh as you want, because only real-life truths will help me in the making of this decision. It's a time limited one; my parents have given me only a month, til the end of this school semester, to decide. Yes, they support this dropping out business as long as I have my own plans, but only if it has to come down to it. Let's assume it already has.