[Meizicht]

That's kind of why I told him that I wasn't going to come back until he got it.
I hate talking about this stuff with people, because it makes me sound like such a chick ( speaking stereotypically, not actually, nobody jump at me for being sexist or something ) but when I start having dreams about this shit, like getting cheated on, etc, it's not funny for me. Makes me feel like shit. But since he doesn't get it, he doesn't care, and I guess the only way to maybe get him to think maybe I'm not fucking around, is to leave until he comes to me - since usually I'm always the one initiating everything.
To be honest though, I'm thinking he might not. It's not like it would be his fault though. If he figures out that he doesn't like me as much as he thought, it's not like he could help it. You can't make someone love someone else. But the history kind of piles up.
There was a time a few months ago where a mutual friend of ours who I talked to often about issues I had, turned and told him that I was too gloomy and that he should cheat on me with her when she was going to a con in his city. And he told me he actually thought about doing it. A month after she suggested it. So for a month, I was a fucking idiot because I was still talking to her, thinking she was a friend. And with him telling me that, I still think about it, one of the bigger things that has fucked me up over time.
So if he decides that it's not what he thought it was, Idk what the hell I'm going to do, but it's not like I didn't see it coming. ( Not like I'm much better. I'm ice when it comes to affection. But he knows exactly why I'm like that. )

Ugh if it turns out like that, I'm sorry beforehand.