[Ultima]

Dear no one in particular,

I think I'm starting to get over him. It scares me, but it feels kinda liberating. And it only took, oh, a year or so. ... But at the same time, whenever his boifriend is mentioned or I see them together, my heart sinks. I want to be with him, but at the same time I know I should try out other people. Am I ready for someone else? Is there anyone who would actually want me?
This would all be so much easier if I was straight and wasn't genderqueer and was skinny and was attractive to other people. Then I could find someone else in 20 minutes if I wanted to. (I will never know how the hell he found someone so fricking fast). But even in the PRIDE club at school everyone is either not attracted to my gender/sex, taken, a gender/sex I'm not attracted to, or any combination of those three.
I hope I find someone. Maybe it will be him again. Maybe it will be a shy genderqueer like me. I hope whoever it is I'm with next just ... loves me, damn it. No drama. No "but maybe I don't idk let's break up wait nvm let's get back together wait nvm wait..." No cheating (even though I still forgive him completely). No getting angry at me when I don't text back. And absolutely no questioning my gender identity/expression or sexuality. Even for a second.

Whoops. I rambled. I wasn't even supposed to be posting anything because I have schoolwork to be doing.

Whatever.

Much love,
Myself.