[Meizicht]

Dear you,

I'm so sorry for how I am. I'm going by the seat of my pants, without a clue as to how to do things, and I've been an abusive piece of crap to you. For a few days, I've been trying to fix it; I've been trying so hard to turn myself around for you, but yet.. I continue making you feel bad even when I don't mean to. I frantically try to explain everything I say so you don't feel bad for anything that I do, and yet.. I've wrecked everything again. Just by doing that. How do I fix this? Is this just not fixable? Am I just so bad that even when I'm trying to do the opposite of what I've been doing, that it's just who I am? Like I am the abuse? It seems like.. no matter what, nothing is better. I make you feel bad just by talking, it seems. What do I do? I'm trying so hard. Maybe it's not enough.. What kind of person would you want me to be? I'll change everything about myself to make you happy. And even though it's been really hard for me, I can try my hardest to be only what you want. I'll be here when you want me to. I'll go away when you want me to. I'll wait patiently without a word every time you go to do something else, etc. I can't complain about a single thing because I've been the one mistreating you all this time.

I don't know what to do. I'm lost, and I don't know where to get advice. How do I stop messing this up? How can I make you happy?

Maybe I'm just that bad... I don't know what to do..

Sincerely, your abusive, undeserving boyfriend.