[Serah]

Dear ~,

Since I was a teen you have been making me feel like it was a mistake keeping me. You've said hurtful things to me and I have tried to tell myself it isn't true. The more it starts to sink in that maybe you were right. As the biggest person in my life I honestly feel like I cannot talk to you about my problems. Whenever you ask me how I am I just say I'm fine because I learned you don't care. She doesn't live here anymore and you still support her, you don't support me or help me. I try to just casual chit-chat with you and you tell me you don't care. I started seeing someone partly because of you. As I laid in the tub tears down my eyes, I couldn't help but think how you would react if I just slipped away. You tell people we don't talk but we live in the same house. I can't even talk to my other care giver because you make me out to be a terrible person. I wear a mask and say I'm okay because you wouldn't understand anyways.


You who claims you know me, you never have. Time says a lot but so do actions. Your actions speak loud and clear: Nothing. I opened myself to you, made myself vulnerable and you shot me down. You tell me you miss me and that you love me but you never talk to me. You can't even make the time of day for me. You make excuses for yourself instead of just admitting that you're wrong. You make me feel like everything is my fault when I didn't do anything to you but be there. I try to get you to realize what is going on, I even admit to my faults, but you pin it on me. You make me cry and feel worthless as a person and I still care for you. All you ever think of is yourself though. You've been nothing but selfish and can't even admit it. Do you know how much I want to tell you how you've hurt me? But every time I try, you close your eyes and cover your ears. But why do I care for you, why don't I just give up? You certainly don't mind what happens to me.


I take pills at night just to sleep or I'll cry until I pass out. I hide so I don't hurt anyone, I face it alone so you all don't struggle. I shake at night, I have nightmares, I panic. I pretend I'm okay as I dig my nails deeper and deeper into my skin. You tell me you have no friends but you abuse the only one who will be there for you. You belittle me and insult my opinions and feelings. Anyone who questions you obviously hates you. How can you be so immature? If you knew what happened to me three years ago, would you feel different? Would you actually feel terrible for what you said? You leech and mooch like a parasite and it's sick. You turn around and act all high and mighty after leeching off others. That is how I see you, as a parasite. No matter how much help you get, it's not enough, you glutton. The worst part is you lie about me and everyone believes you. You made me out to be a monster when all I did was love you. Did you enjoy it? That's why I'm ignoring you. Most people want to be independent but you could care less being spoon fed. It's pretty sickening to me. Every time I tell you the truth though, I'm yelled at by those around me.

If you could hear me. If only you could hear me...

Serah