[Meizicht]

xD I'm stronger than I look, lolol

I do have to say, I'm not any kind of saint, as much as that makes me out to be kind of pitiful; I like my attention as much as anyone else, and I have no self control so I end up blurting things out anyway. Dx Hence how I mess everything up.
Plus it's not like I don't want things like gifts or the attention of others, and it's not like I don't want Kai ( since I brought that up ). It's just that I regret having those things afterward, or I expect something bad to happen because of it, or I feel guilty for it, because I don't really think my personality is all that great ( I mean hell, if you knew me a few months ago, I think you'd all be tired of me by now. Dx I complain a lot, and with Kai, I'm cold and kind of pissy at all times because of some things that happened before. )
Might also be because I think too logically. From my point of view, I cannot for the life of me understand why my parents insist on me living here with them, jobless and just doing whatever. Like... aren't I just kind of a black hole, then? They could be much better off if I wasn't hanging around and living off their income. And what makes me even worse is that not even that motivates me to leave the house. To me, emotions like "I'm happier when you're here" make no sense, because in time, it just kind of fades off ( Plus I'm hard to communicate with irl eAo; So that in general confuses me; how people would like being around me ). So I think in the long run, the absence of me here would be the best. xD;; ( Not trying to be gloomy, it's just logic, rofl )
At the same time, all of this stuff, to me, does not apply to other people. It's hard to explain. @__@;
Really, I have all that coming to me. xD;
It's karma, lol