[Ultima]

Dear diary,

Why can't I just have normal feelings? Why do I feel so negative all the time? Why do I do/want to do things I know I'll regret?

Why can't a love song just be nice words strung together? Why do they have to tear me apart? Why does seeing your picture make me want to cry because I miss you so much but I don't know how to talk to you? Why does her name send me into a rage?

Why can't I just accept that you're with someone else and I should do the same? Why do I hope she breaks your heart so you come running back to me? Why am I still so deeply, intensely in love with you?

Now every little thing pushes me over the edge and I have to try so hard to hide the fact that I feel like garbage. Every day.

Going back to school terrifies me to no end. Not because you'll be there. But because if you're there, that means there's a chance she might show up there. I don't think I could take it if that happened.

And I really wish you still checked Trisphee. Because I am far too much of a coward to ever tell you any of this straight.

-signed,
Ultima

PS: I should stop writing these. But I like to think that getting my thoughts out there helps. .... Even though it probably doesn't.