[BakedGewds]

Dear mom,

Why are you such a turd? Just a huge steaming pile really. I know I'm not your favorite child, I've never been either yours or dads, and to be honest I was fine with that. What I'm not fine with is the treatment that comes with being the dud. I did well in school. I graduated. I'm going to college now. I may not have a job yet but you know how hard I'm trying. It's not my fault this town is dead. It's not my fault you cheated on dad and because I live with you the rest of my family hates me, therefore won't help financially with a car or anything that would help greatly. It's not my fault I didn't follow in your footsteps to be little Miss Popular in high school. I remember when I got Prom Queen and you were so shocked. You had the nerve to even ask me how I did it since I wasn't the prettiest girl. Do you know how much that hurts? Do you even care how hard your words hit me? Growing up, being told your ugly and fat by your own parents. Being told you should just be a lesbian because you'd never be as pretty as your sister, and therefore wouldn't get the guy. I remember when it came time for my prom. You gave me a $100 limit for the entire event, dress and all. I was so happy that you were even helping me. I wasn't the one to go to dances because of how ugly I felt at them, but I didn't want to miss my senior prom. Then came Harlies first MIDDLE SCHOOL dance. One of those dinky things that are just for fun. She didn't even need to wear a dress, but she wanted to. That made you happy. You and her spent the day and $400 on her stuff. It hurt a little.. not that she got more than me, but that you were so happy and seemed so proud of her for being able to fit into those size 2 dresses. She's your princess..

I mean, I felt like I was in a dream, and still do. Parents like you do exist sadly. Parents who play favorites. Ones who don't seem to realize just because their kid doesn't cry doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
I remember I cried once in front of dad, he told me to "Suck it up and stop being such a pussy." You were there. You didn't say anything. Why was I crying? Because he shoved my face in a pile of cat sh*t because I was the only one given responsibility and I happened to not notice the cat squat behind the couch that day. I think I was 7.. or 8. I remember it perfectly. I also remember him calling me a slut when I was 9 or so. I barely knew what that meant.
You may not have been as blatantly abusive as he, but you still make me feel like shit when you talk to me now.

I'm 19 years old. I'm older, wiser, and know that you were never meant to have kids. My brother and sisters would be even worse than they are now if I weren't here.

You know I have no job, you know I'm trying to go to college and move out. You know I'm saving for a car to get this whole life thing started, yet you still take everything I earn.. Sure I'll pay rent to sleep on the concrete pantry floor since you don't want me on your couches. I'll even help you afford your trip to Florida on Christmas, the one I'm not invited to since you need me to stay and dog sit. Hell, I even pay car insurance on a car I'm not allowed to drive. I'll get you gifts on your birthday and do the house chores for you, even if you say I'm a useless waste of space and claim I don't do anything.

I love you mom, but I hate you. I hate you so much it's not funny. I hate you with a passion.

I will never be anything more than the "fat a** who sits and plays at her laptop all day" to you. You chose not to notice when I'm doing stuff for you, which is all the time. You only notice when I'm not cleaning or doing something productive for YOU.

So I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry for not amounting up to my little sister. I'm sorry I can't make the house spotless for you everyday when I'm the only one trying. I'm sorry life has damned you with a waste like me.

I'm sorry, ok?