[Train]

You have a nice style, and you seem pretty good at dynamic posing. Remember, though, that comics aren't all just the people. You should practice backgrounds, as well. They can be just as important to the story as the people.

I really suggest having something of a script or outline in place before starting, but with the manner you're going about it (basing it off a roleplay), you shouldn't have too much trouble there.

Good luck. I think you have potential to make something good.