[Espy]

Dear...you know.

I'm tired of being guilt-tripped to the point that I'm completely used to it, yet it still affects me. It's as if, since every other thing you tell me is to try to make me think about every single fault I have, you don't even know you're guilt-tripping me.

How the hell do you ruin someone's day completely and utterly through two words? Ok, fine, I'll admit I raised my voice, but that's because both you and the dentist told me the same thing (that the mold is permanent and I have to take this seriously and not move) four times within the span of ten seconds. Alright, I said five before, and you told me you only mentioned it twice. ...Sure, four times is a lot less than five, huh...

And then on the way home, you tell me how much I embarrassed you by raising my voice. I didn't even yell. It wasn't even halfway to a yell. Two words: "I know", said in maybe an impatient manner, after hearing the same thing four times in the span of ten seconds. Is that unreasonable? And then from there, the ranting turned into yelling at me for not doing anything over the summer (the hell? I have a class at the comm. college, plus a course that I'm taking early, plus a ton more stuff. I'm not doing anything?), and then about how I'm not giving a damn about getting my license.

...Excuse me. This is coming from the person who told me she wasn't going to let me get my permit when I was sixteen, even though I kept asking for it, because the insurance was too high? And the day after I turn legal, you're on my ass telling me to get my license as soon as possible. Why didn't you just let me get my permit back then? It would've saved me a lot of time. "You were busy back then." Okay, I was, but I still had time. It's better than being yelled at now, to have done at least part of it earlier.

And then Dad gets home while I'm out walking the dog. Why am I out for two and a half hours? Because you told me to keep walking him until he pooped. He didn't yet. And the second I get in, Dad starts yelling at me. How did you twist your story to make it seem like I ranted and raved at the dentist's? What did you say to make him think I completely embarrassed both of us by screaming at you? It was two words. Two. And I'll admit I was impatient, but who wouldn't be?

Look. Every time Dad says something, you parrot it. The exact same words. I'm tired of it. Why don't you get that?

And now you're doing the whole "there's only two weeks before you leave. Why can't you just get along with us?" deal. Really? And then a split second later, you tell me, "It'd be better if you left sooner." ...Thanks. Much appreciated. Stop being a hypocrite, douche. If you want me to leave sooner, get me an earlier flight and book a hotel room for me. Not my fault I don't have a credit card yet. What am I, a kid?

You say you don't want to see me? Fine. That's easy. Don't come near my room, or the study. Problem solved. Dad, you yelled at the neighbor's dogs yesterday because you were afraid they'd wake me up while I was sleeping? Your yelling was louder than they were. And now that I'm done with that test that you were so anxious about, yes, sure, you can turn up the volume of the TV way up. It's not like I'm working on anything else, right?

--A.L.