[Serah]

Hello, I can't get enough of this forum. Probably because I have issues and I get upset and you guys offer real advice. If I wasn't here, I'd be on Gaia but I rather not be. Anyways, as stated in the title this thread is going to be MATURE. I will be getting into a Mature topic, so please if you are not mature enough to handle it, don't read. Otherwise, you are welcome to stay and give input. Just to make sure, I'll put spoiler tags on the mature stuff.

Let me start of things by stating that my boyfriend of a while recently broke up with me and I was really upset by that. I was in love with him and he felt the same, or at least he did. He ended up moving away shortly after the break up which made things harder on me. After not talking for a few days he sends me an email telling me why he broke up with me. Considering he gave me reasons but didn't really explain.

One of his issues being that he was moving away because he felt the need to get away from his family. This I can completely understand. His brother was emotionally abusive to him. And I found out some really unpleasant things about his mother. The only member of his family that seems sad to see him go is his dad. His father actually cried. He used this as a reason because we'd be open to log distance but I would feel isolated not being able to talk to him as much or see him. So... yeah.

His next reason is a very touchy subject. It has always been a touchy subject for us. This subject is sex. Spoiler tag engaged!

Okay, so we had dated for a long time and we didn't have sex. Yes, I know, I'm a terrible person. I know sex is important in a relationship. I'm not going to bother explaining myself so, I'm wrong. Whoopie. I don't care. Getting on more with the point. He was upset that in the time we were together, we didn't have sex. I explained to him that the more I thought about it. It wasn't that I wasn't ready but more so that he wasn't ready. What I mean by this is that I don't feel he's mature enough for sex. He put so much pressure on it that I was completely turned off. I didn't bring this up and I probably should have, either way I ended up telling him this after I broke up and he was upset. I knew he would be upset and I did feel bad, either way. We cleared up everything about sex. But I can't shake a few things. He asked for me back and I said yes for the most part. My problem with all this though, I'm afraid he's tempted to cheat on me because we have to wait longer to have sex. Am I wrong to think this?

I'm not really going to get into his third reason of breaking up with me because we did come to some sort of agreement. Granted, I was hurt because he lead me on, but I rather not get into that. Anyways, what I will get into that does bother me is I've never really had a friendship with any of his friends. I tried to treat his friends with respect and be kind to them no matter what. His friends constantly would belittle our relationship and even belittle me. I wanted to be the better person but after being harassed and humiliated by them I gave up. I don't want it to be this way though. I want to be on at least stable ground with his friends. I thought about writing out a letter to his friend. Just a really simple one stating something like: I'm sorry for everything that has happened between us. If I got back together with your friend I don't want it to be uneven or awkward. Is this even a relatively good idea? Or would I just be wasting not only his time but mine as well?

Um, I'm getting back into the sex topic again so spoiler tags ENGAGED.

There is one more thing that's unrelated to what I've said but it is about sex. I have never liked giving blow jobs. I tried to and almost threw up. I'm not really into trying it again, I'm just too afraid. The guy who recently broke up with me knew this and was open with it. Another thing that made me feel bad is that he went down on me but I wouldn't blow him. YES, I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON, THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT THOUGH. I felt really bad about it because I was too uncomfortable. But I was wondering if this is even a good idea. Do you think he would appreciate it if I at least just tried... playing with his genital area with my tongue? Not putting it in my mouth but at least licking it? Do you think that would be a decent idea or I should just avoid it? Because what if he felt I was leading him on because I didn't really blow him? I'm not sure... Opinions and thoughts?

So... help? ^^;

TLDR; Guess you can't help me then. Thanks anyways? >8