[The Mule]

I decided to save that for when I'm further out of it in any case.
But I have to address some things:

I can't go to a doctor at all, because I have no income, therefore I can't afford health insurance. It's not an option for me to get medicine or to have any counselor or a doctor. So if it requires money, I can't do it.

I am sane, but not really normal. I'm at a rocky point at the moment - at least it feels terribly rocky to me, seeing as how it takes a lot of convincing for me to simply go about the day like any other person would - and since my "stability" for lack of better word, is a little thin, small things are rocking me out of wack. Though the night I wrote this thread was a particularly shocking one. So I was just about at that point where it was a very clear option. I'm trying to be conservative about it so as to not disturb my family and friends about any of this ( hence why I'm staying anonymous on a mule ). I don't want people to see me as gloomy or as having issues ( well, I don't want EVERYONE thinking that. I've learned the hard way recently that friends sometimes are the opposite. So I'm trying to draw myself in quite a bit ) so I try not to bring anything up that requires adjusting for my well-being. I don't like being a hindrance.

Basically, I can't pay for anything. So whatever free option I have, I have to save it for when I'm in very deep.