[Helsinki Harlot]

I'll feel bad regardless.

And I know I do but the key to using that number would be knowing where my phone is. And shut your face, you are important. I've just been caught up in my own BS.

Then it's set. I gotta find the set and you're getting a key. ;] <33 It'd be sexy. DEMAND PICS.

I know right? I was half asleep when I heard them talking and then Sarah confirms it, I just about started bawling when she told me that. Took a few shots and smoked a few cigs so I didn't but. It's, weird. Having her behave like... well, my mother. I've always loved her like I do my entire family but, I feel... I dunno. For the first time in all of my years I feel like... I dunno. It's really hard to describe. I know it's because my sister moved out and my sis is very vocal about shit and would constantly talk about how her friends parents treated them and fight my parents on stuff and I think she's finally realizing... I dunno, that maybe I'm not the scum of the earth. It's... I'm scared to believe it just in case it's just this weird little fling she's on. But I'm grateful, I really am. Admitted, she forgot when my birthday was and is going to Finland on her own but I understand why, she wants to see her mom. That's fine.

I'm mainly worried about my physical health. I still haven't been able to make them understand my eating issues. Last time I lived with them I didn't eat for weeks at a time. I'm worried about going back to that. Because I got used to not eating and even now I'll just... not eat sometimes because I'm used to not being fed. Especially since they're on a specific type of health kick filled with food I can't consume without getting really sick.

I'm def. greatfull tho' that I won't have to pay rent for a year and that my mom is really pushing for school so she'll help pay for it. It'll be... nice to know I don't have thousands of dollars of bills to pay, that's been hard especially since no place I've applied to will hire me. But I know when I move in it'll be pretty much the same way it was. I'm just praying my mom'll help fight my dad on a bunch of shit. I can't handle it otherwise. If it goes back to the way it was as a kid I can see myself getting into some super bad habits again that I have been trying so hard to fight my way away from.