[Pocket]

Theres been a lot of drama and what not..

I'll put it on here for a short time..

this is the email...

I wanted to type out this email for you because I've had it. I am stressed beyond belief. I am tired of being walked on, kicked in the face every time i turn around. I am trying but get kicked down every time I seem to get ahead. I am done trying to make you understand.. Stop saying you understand but then act a different way.

Yes I fucked up in a big way.. but I am learning from it. Its a hard pill to swallow knowing that I am late on my bills, can't give you your money... It kills me. Believe it or not I GREW UP! I stress over were my money goes now.. to the point that I feel guilty buying food..

Even though its not your business, my pay checks are anywhere from $450 to $540... why to big difference? It all depends on amount of hours that can be given.. I get paid every two weeks.. Now with that said... let me tell you everything that I worry about.. I have to buy food, pay cell and internet, buy personal items..if you need more explanation on what that entails, ask... making sure Mike has some money to get out and about to look for a job or whatever, and still have enough to get to and from work for 2 weeks.

Mike is currently "employed" with a TEMP Service.. The job they placed him at did not work, they are in the process of helping him find something else, but no idea how long that will take. If he needs work clothes and money till his first check that is more that I stress over..

The IRS payment is $350. So there goes the Nana's money. How am I suppose to get you your money with all this already going out? Please tell me. I can not get a second job because if I change my availability at Target I WILL NOT be scheduled as much as I am now. So even with a second job I'd prolly loose money that way.

My hours at Target are all over the place.. I have to take a cab the days that I open or close. Yes I have asked if anyone lives around our area but that hasn't really worked out very often. It takes $12 to get from here to work. So when I say I stress over getting to and from work...I really do. I have talked to them about trying to get mids but it doesn't always work out.

I am tired of getting sick from stress.. why well one reason I can't afford to go to the doctor.. I don't think you understand how bad my depression is.. Every single thing I do.. is never good enough for anyone! Its to the point I don't believe my supervisors at work when they are surprised and appreciate at the work I do.. I feel like a piece of shit every day that I wake up. But hell I can't just mope around the house... I have to fake my way into a fake happiness to go through my day. Why you ask... hmmm I really don't think you want to read this next part but oh well.. You are a big part of me feeling like that. I fucking try my hardest and it only gets me a kick in the face. So what else am I suppose to do? Please tell me... What the fuck am I missing?

At this point I'm just done.. nothing is good enough for you. So do what you will.. but think of this... this house is going to take ALOT of money to get it up to code to rent out... no one will want to buy it from some one out of the area and you'd have to come here and it'd take ALOT of work to get it ready to sell.. So do what you will but if it is kicking us out... You will have to swallow the pill of you wasted all that money on this house..


Oh one more thing... please explain to me why all the sudden is netflix a problem? And if I remember right.. there was an agreement of if we drop cable you would pay all but $50 but then when we went to pay that there was $200 left.. And you said yourself that netflix was cheaper.... So what happened?