[Suzerain of Sheol]

My thoughts are mostly in line with Quiet's. I'm particularly appreciative of not just the formatting, but the stylistic attention to flow that makes it so much easier to read than the usual blocks of text -- not to mention, spacing things out that way provides ample opportunities to emphasize certain words or phrases, which you do quite effectively.

If I had to pick at one thing, and I really don't think it detracts from the piece much, but, a little bit more context could be given, I feel like, to ground this story. Nothing blatant, obviously; I think as little as a single line or phrase in reference to the setting would go a long way.

Also, at the very end, you switch briefly from Elijah's narrative perspective to Micah's, and while it doesn't cause any severe problems, up until that point, it has been a fairly close 3rd-person limited narration. Having the narrative suddenly switch to Micah's experiences is ever-so-slightly jarring.

Overall, well done, though. I wish my classmates could write this well. :p