[Coda]

*nods* Exactly. That's why I encourage you to get personally involved -- not in trying to "fix" him, but in helping him focus his attention and activities on the things you need from him. It shouldn't include or imply any criticism. Doing things together and making a habit of it, even for little things like housework, will build a rapport between you. This will strengthen your relationship, which is the most important thing for both of you -- important for him to be able to work his way through the defensive walls, and important for you to feel the relevance you crave.