[Funkduder]

I'm out of place, both physically and mentally, compared to what people know of me, and probably expect of me.

Over the past 2 days the following events occured:
- I recieved a court letter from juvenile court, convicting me of avoiding fares and calling in an audience to find out my conviction, which can be up to 2000 dollers and 48 hours of community service.
- My local library sent me a collection bill for a set of CDs I lent to my sister. I now owwe my Library 150 dollers
- I backed my mom's mercedes into my dad's chevy. The damage is likely to go beyond the 1000 to pay for it becuase of insurance premiums.

And each and every time my parents made the following statements which by now have dipped me beyond the bowels of depression:
- They have compared me to my younger brother, saying that I am worse than him, inferior to him, and imply that he is a much better son to them than I am.
- They say that I can / should do better, implying that it is my choice to make these mistakes, which they claim "fucks them over"

I'm going oer these things in my head and I've given up, mostly becuase a normal day like today should normally be only slightly below my comfort and satisfaction. My life sucks.

Then comes the argument that the future may be better, yet my major problems in dealing with these situations are the same problems that are going to effect me in the future. Combine this with my constant fear that I'm going to be a more destructive than constructive force in the world and I begin to feel as though the world would be better off without me.

The the argument that I could be welcome here may be/ may not be true, except that this is a forum, not the world in which people can make meaningful contributions to the world.

Overall, I feel like it's not worth the fight anymore. I've given up.

EDIT: Anyone can read this. more minds to try to convince me otherwise is better than one. I still no intuitively that people aren't going to want me to die.