[Quiet Man Cometh]

I've never really thought of Asians as typically being toothpicks. Smaller yes, but proportionally speaking not significanlty different from most other people, at least that's what I see of Asians who live over here in Vancouver, Canada. Of course, there's probably a difference depending on where from Asia someone comes from or has their heritage. I'm not good enough at identifying people to figure that out yet. The people I'd call toothpicks are usually other caucasian girls that are about my heigh but half my size, and I'm only now getting over being chronically underweight.

Anyways, as far as the funeral goes, I wouldn't put too much thought or worry into how you felt that day if it's bothering you. Grief is a funny thing, even if you don't feel you are grieving or didn't know the fellow all that well. People can react to a death in any number of ways, and will have their own means of dealing with it. It may be that you feel more conmfortable in a private setting on your own than among crowds of people.

My cousin died from Leukemia some time ago, and appart from a sort of dread feeling that I had, I sort of ignored it. The feeling lingered though, and it felt sort of odd, I can't really find adequate means of explaining it. Later on I felt bad, not because of her death but because I didn't seem to be reacting to it like people are supposed to, or so I though at the time.

I cried when I lost my dog but not when I lost my cousin. I lost two of my grandparents and didn't really feel it until I was alone for a moment in my bedroom and away from other people. I was very introverted by then, and it was part nature to me to not do anything like that in public, even if it only meant the household. I lost my current dog (very much a special friend of mine) almost a year ago and it was the first time I'd say I reacted in a predictable fashion, but only because I made a point of not trying to hide how sad I was feeling.

I can still think back to my cousin's death and not feel the same things as with my dog. I think in some ways I'm really not sure how I should feel about it, and it's not always easy to convince myself that "should" never comes into it.