[The Krazy Kat Lady]

~Kat HUGGLES Pinkie~

Aww, hon, money is the biggest cause of relationship problems and divorce. It just plain SUCKS.
I am STILL having issues with my husband-creature (he refuses to pay ANY household bills, even though he's been back to work for over 6 months now- and, NO, I can't divorce him).

There most likely isn't another woman... but rather a hobby on which he's spending what he sees as "his" money. My male buys DVDs every single week. We have three 6-foot tall bookshelves stuffed with DVDs, and another bookshelf in his bedroom that's full of them.

He's obviously making money, but when I try to get him to take over ONE SINGLE household bill (the electric bill, for example), he starts barking at me about how he doesn't have ANY money, and then the excuses start overflowing from his mouth.

The point is- he never learned how to budget; he went from living with his folks to living with his first fiancée when he was 19, to sharing a house with 5 other guys who just gave him an itemized bill each month with a total amount he owed listed at the bottom... to living with me.
I've paid ALL the bills since before we were even married.

Some people are good with handling money, others are not. It's a sad fact of life we have to deal with.

If he's as open as you say he is, perhaps you can persuade him to open a joint checking account into which he can deposit every other paycheck and you can deposit whatever money you have come in. You can use that one bank account strictly for household stuff like rent, utilities, and food. That way you both get peace of mind because he won't have to worry about the action of paying bills, and you won't have to worry about the money being there.

When he said he could support the both of you, he probably had no idea how hard that is to do on one income- especially with food and gas prices skyrocketing. AND, he probably has no clue how to budget for a household.

If he won't agree to a joint checking account with just half his income, you then have all rights to question him as to where his money is going. If he gets defensive and starts raising his voice at you... it's time for you to move on. People like that simply do NOT change. If I had known my husband was going to be a mooch for the rest of our lives, I never would have married him. I make enough on Disability to live on my own and pay someone to come in 2 or 3 times a week to do housework and prepare meals for me that I can just heat in the microwave (I'm not allowed to cook because of my condition). I would have a housekeeper right now if Eric would just pay his freaking share of the bills!

Pinkie, you DO NOT want to end up in a permanent relationship with someone who is incapable of handling money responsibly. I know you love him- and maybe he will change on his own, but not if you are there enabling him to piss away his income. And for him to turn you down for money for FOOD- that's a deal breaker right there.

I would suggest not breaking up with him, but also not living with him anymore - if he isn't willing to do a joint bank account. If he wants to be an immature little boy and not have responsibilities, let him do it on his own. Make arrangements to move back in with your Mom just until you find a new job and save up enough to get your own place. (Speaking from experience: an adult child living with the parent(s) is very stressful because they say they see you as an independent adult, but without realizing it, they treat you like you're still in high school).

Annnnd- there is always the possibility that there may be another woman. If that's the case, pack all your stuff as quickly as possible and move out while he's at work. If it's something you two can get through/past, you can work on your relationship from different residences. I REALLY hope that's not the case, though.

Love & Hugs!!