[Suzerain of Sheol]

Hmm... interesting. I'm trying to decide how the split metaphor of war and demons works. I think the poem is just long enough that it does work. The short lines are really effective, it almost makes each one feel like a heartbeat.

The only one that sticks out a little to me is, "ripped their way out of my body" and the first impulse I had on reading it was to cut it to just "ripped their way out" I think that would flow a little better, but, that was just my first thought on reading it.

Also, by the way, you're allowed to post more than twice in a row in threads you "own" like this one, especially when you're adding new content.