[Quiet Man Cometh]

Just to express another opinion here, I think one needs to be thoughtfull about what might be involved in a situation. You asked if it was right of you to expect your husband to defend you in situations like that. On the whole I'd say yes, but sometimes counterpoints can be made. In this instance though, because the comment doesn't appear have been made to your husband or in your husband's presense, I'd say no, you shouldn't expect your husband to defend you.

Involving significant others in an argument or conflict that doesn't really inovle them directly can be a recipe for disaster (I've seen this personally as I have a sibling and a step-sibling that don't always get along well). Someone may think that a person is ganging up on them by involving others, it can put mutual friends in an uncomfortable position of possibly having to chose sides.

From the sounds of things, this friend is being immature and it's not worth getting too upset over. If the man is/was a friend for your husbands, then askign him to confront him might cause more trouble than it's worth. If he has a problem with hanging out for whatever reason, then it's his problem and he can decide if he wants to show or not.