[LadyCopperFoxx]

Dear self,
please stop contemplating suicide. Mike loves you. He says he wants to grow old with you.
I know you're hurt that he questioned your love, but he's only human. him debating dumping you after nearly 4 years is a large hurt in your heart, but you have to get over it. or at least move on.
please eat something without throwing up. Please sleep. please stop crying constantly. please stop staring dead-eyed into space refusing to think of anything. please stop associating everything with Mike, and how he hurt you. how he can't possibly know just how much he hurt you. telling him will only hurt him, and you would never ever hurt him.
please stop replaying the words "I don't know if I'm staying with you because I love you or because I'd feel too guilty if I dumped you" over and over. It's not helping, and he's realized he was only thinking that because of stress. just... stop it. you're only hurting yourself. over and over and over. It's like you're sticking a knife in and out of your arm. it just makes it worse every time. speaking of knives, please stop debating cutting. you haven't done it in years. mike would be devastated if you started again because of what he said. you can't change the past. you can't change what he said. just continue to love him and work on things to make him happy. just stop thinking of how much it hurt when he said he wasn't sure if he loved you.
Sincerely, the logical part of your brain.