Useless Superhero Powers
 

So me and my wife play this all the time when we can't sleep. I will think of a superpower but it has to have a useless context. Such as...

I have the ability to talk to cats, but only those that are deaf.

Lots of fun and a great way to see into the true you eh? So, I have started with my magic kitty deafness ability, what is yours?

I have the power of X-ray vision, but only through wood and plaster

I have the power to control people, but I am severely autistic.

I have the power of flight, but only three feet off the ground

I have the strength of an amazonian woman, but suffer from debilitating periods.

I know magic, but can only use spells during my periods

I can raise the living dead to do my bidding, did I mention it was the elderly?

I have the power of sex appeal, but only during full moons

I am irresistible to men, gay men.

I can control fire, but only campfires

I can speak with fish, yet I live miles from the sea.

I can talk to bears, but only polar bears that don't want to share their soda :p

I can put people to sleep, comatose people.

I can shoot lightning, but only from my mouth and butt

I can bend water, I live in the sahara desert.

I have telepathy, but only when I'm asleep